elohvee: (Default)
[personal profile] elohvee
drive me to ruin.
Supernatural. Sam/Dean. NC-17. Warnings for incest, some language, and angst. Approx. 940 words. Part of the Pilot episode retold (with mild AU), because I just hadn't written enough shower porn lately. For [livejournal.com profile] la_folle_allure, who still loves me even if I just keep writing the same damned fic over and over. Title from Zeppelin.


He sits in a room scattered with salt and newspaper clippings and his phone feels too heavy in his hand, the memories too heavy in his chest.

He halfway dials Jess's number three times but gives up every one. He's sure she'd hear the lie, the truth, over the phone the same way he can hear a million laughs and fights echoing off the walls of a million rooms he's been in, just like this one. So he doesn't call. He plays her message again.

it's about ten-twenty and

The shower starts with the stutter and squeal of old pipes and Sam remember that, too. He remembers being covered in blood and dirt and arguing who would get the first shower, bitching about who used up the last of the soap. He remembers not caring once they were squeezed inside together, more intent on who got to come first, batting hands away and wrestling each other onto their knees, if there was room.

so come home soon, okay?

Sam snaps his phone shut and he remembers the first time he tried to call home. It took a week before he let it ring more than once, another three days before he could actually make himself say, hey, man, it's me. And then, after that, they didn't talk for six months.

A soft thump from the bathroom like a slipping bar of soap or bottle of shampoo, and a curse he thinks he can hear muffled by water and walls. The bathroom door doesn't shut right, never does in a place like this. It's a little crooked and stays open unless you're real careful with the lock, unless you've got something you really want to shut out.

The bathroom door doesn't hang right on its hinges. So Sam goes in.

There's a pattern to how Dean showers: arm, chest, arm, hair and then the rest. Sam remembers. There's a pattern to how the water trails off his brother's skin, how it sounds hitting the floor of the shower in a by-the-hour room, depending on how hard the spray is. Dean says he likes the open road and his freedom to do whatever, see whatever, likes never know what happens next, but really, he relies on ritual. Sam remembers that, too.

With soap in his eyes screwed shut tight, Dean says, Sammy? Sam, what are you—and stops when he feels Sam's hand on his dick.

A sharp intake of breath—Don't, he says, pleads, but hisses and arches into the rough touch of Sam's fingers anyway. Sammy, Sam, Dean says, desperate. Sam lifts his eyes to look at him. Dean swallows and says, You're gonna be gone in two days.

Sam tightens his grip and says, That's in two days.

Dean groans softly and pushes Sam back with a hand on his chest. He says, Wait, wait. and Sam's opens his mouth to argue. Because he wants this. Because Dean wants this. Fuck deadlines.

Dean doesn't tell him to stop. He stumbles to his knees instead, looks up at Sam from the ground with the water beating down onto his back and his hands braced on Sam's thighs. He whispers, Okay? but it really means, Please. Please let me.

And Sam sighs, grateful. He sounds so grateful. And he says, Fuck, yeah, and Dean smiles, brilliant, before bending his head.

Oh, god, Sam whispers, straining to keep still. His hips jerk and buck anyway. Dean remembers too: he takes it in stride, takes Sam deeper, and it's good. It's as good as he remembers. It's so much better than he remembers.

Dean pulls back off him, and Sam can almost hear him say it: You're the one who left.

He groans, Please. Dean, please, I want—and Dean smiles again and moves forward, his breath gusting hot over Sam's dick when he opens his mouth to tongue the slit, suck on the head.

Sam's fourteen again, pressed up against a dark, dirty, back alley wall with sweating palms and his brother on his knees. He's begging, whining, Dean, please, I want to—I wanna touch you, shit, shit, I'm gonna—

He tugs at Dean's hair and tries to get him off, but Dean laughs in a way that he can feel all the way to his bones.

One more swipe of his brother's tongue, one more thrust of Sam's hips, and he's eighteen again, fucking his brother's mouth one last time, coming down Dean's throat once more before he walks out the door.

Dean pulls off him panting, lips swollen and eyes wide and he looks so young: like eighteen, like twenty-two.

Jesus, Sammy, he says, and pushes himself up to his feet. He's still hard, cock blood-dark and curving up toward his stomach. Sammy, he says with his hand reaching for Sam, twisting his fingers in his brother's hair. Dean's eyes close and against Sam's lips he whispers, God. It sounds like dying.

God, I missed you.

He touches their mouths together, slides his tongue over Sam's lower lip, and Dean doesn't get it. Sam can tell. So he says, Stop. Dean, stop it. Don't.

He takes a step and his back meets the wall. Dean opens his eyes, blinks once. Sam shakes his head and says, I can't. Dean, I. I'm sorry. I can't.

He pushes past the shower curtain, and he's twenty again. Twenty years old and throwing Dean out of his dorm at two in the morning, saying, No, no, it's not normal, get out, just fucking go

He makes sure the bathroom door shuts behind him.

::

hey, it's me. it's about ten-twenty and...

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] la-folle-allure.livejournal.com
OMG FIRST, BACK OFF BITCHES

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
OMG YOU TOTALLY PWN BABY.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 01:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] la-folle-allure.livejournal.com
Christ... christ. Like... fuck. C, there are NO words. I just can't like... GODDAMMIT. You are just the GREATEST author EVER.

EVER

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 01:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
God, you are SO good to me, baby. *CLINGS*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ericaplease.livejournal.com
WELL I AM SECOND, SO HAH.


hi! you don't know me, but I like your porn. it's fabulous.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Hi! And thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missyjack.livejournal.com
hehe [livejournal.com profile] la_folle_allure ALWAYS comes first.

There is never enough shower!porn in the world, especially written by you with all this need and longing, and want and shouldn't. This fic that makes me want to cry at the same time as making me all tingly in my special place!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
She tends to kick and scream if she doesn't, so it's best that we all step back... ;O)

Heee, thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 01:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tabaqui.livejournal.com
Wowjesus.
That um.

Freakin' hurts. Now you make me wanna slap somebody hard.
Sheesh.

Dean pulls off him panting, lips swollen and eyes wide and he looks so young: like eighteen, like twenty-two.

Gah!
*clutches heart*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 01:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 01:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemerall.livejournal.com
Jesus christ. This is fucking hot and jesus... my brain function for words is at minimal level right now, but just so you know, i'm going to take a cold shower and cry a little.

This was so well written, and these boys... they just hurt, and they want it all back and can't get there, and DAMN you floor me.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*picks you up off floor* Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 03:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemerall.livejournal.com
welcome *bouncy and smooches*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 02:17 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
God I could see Sam being just such a total cocktease. Poor Dean.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Poor Dean indeed.

Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 02:24 am (UTC)
ext_16557: (Default)
From: [identity profile] castiel.livejournal.com
Dean. Fantastic, by the way, but oh, Dean. ♥ It hurts. Really bad, and I would really like to bash Sam's head against the shower wall just a little bit.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
I keep thinking I should start being nicer to Dean. He takes so much abuse. *pets him*

Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ze-pink-lady.livejournal.com
Oh Dean! The sense of need and want and everything that's unspoken between them is just so palpable here, so deftly done where so many other writers would fall into the trap of heavy-handedness. Very little makes me quite so gleeful as seeing a new fic from you, so thank you, it was gorgeous as always!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 03:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Oh, thank you so much!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/__3amconfession/
*flaps hand at you*

No words. So hurty.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 05:30 am (UTC)
poisontaster: Screencap of Moana, leaning into the wind (Default)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
Oh, this hurt a lot. I've never had my heart broken so much in this fandom or been so happy for the priviledge. Lovely. Hurtful. Aching. Sad.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
God, this fandom... *shakes head*

Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 09:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kellifer-fic.livejournal.com
That is owie but oh so good...

Oh boys... *sighs*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 09:06 am (UTC)
mf_luder_xf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mf_luder_xf
Oh. OH. *wibbles* So hurty good.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 12:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alistra.livejournal.com
Ouch. :(

Hurts so good... *sniff*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*gives tissues* Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wake-up-older29.livejournal.com
*gives you cookies and pets Dean's head* OMG this just killed me and I am at work ! Want to smack Sammy, but still ... so hot .. I am melting.. MELTING !!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-18 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*takes cookie* Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-19 05:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] exsequar.livejournal.com
Ow!

*clutches at chest*

Oh boys... so beautifully fucked up...

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-19 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
God, they really really are.

Thank you. :O)

Fic: Drive Me To Ruin

Date: 2006-09-19 08:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rosewillread.livejournal.com
Oh, wow.
I actually saw most of the pilot, so I kind of get the context of this one.
The memories and the tension between them are fabulous, and come up well against the action and the situation.

Um, what happened to Sam's clothes?

Re: Fic: Drive Me To Ruin

Date: 2006-09-19 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
I actually did think about adding in a line about him stripping them off, but around revision two, I couldn't make myself like the way it sounded (I'm obsessive that way) so I decided he just quietly shed them on the way inside.

Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-25 11:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mahalia-baby.livejournal.com
This is... I mean, you are... he--but, Sam he just--Who is..


Oh God the hot has scrambled my braaaaain!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-09-25 03:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*puts your brain back in order*

Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-05 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] miss-begonia.livejournal.com
Jesus, this is just...it just hurts so GOOD. Amazing. Really, I love this. The way you show so much with the details, the moments. It's incredible.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-05 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2007-07-20 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lexii314.livejournal.com
ACKH!
I have no words...
fic like this just leaves me a slobbering mess... :(

(no subject)

Date: 2007-07-22 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*gives tissues*

Thank you!

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