elohvee: (Default)
[personal profile] elohvee
and you'll no longer burn.
Supernatural. Sam/Dean. R. Warning for season 2 spoilers, incest, language, and angst. Set somewhere before the end of episode 2x02. 826 words. Posted because Kate liked it, and because I love her. Title from the Dire Straits.


     Someday you'll return to your valleys and your farms
     And you'll no longer burn to be brothers in arms



After dad, it's like Stanford all over again. It's like the fall back from Stanford all over again. They snap and it's like they can't do it. Like they can't be brothers with him gone, really gone, and so they're not.

Dean takes on the road like it's a challenge, and he finds them six jobs in five states, all in the same month. In Nogales, in a motel as close to the border station as you can get, they crumple and collapse under the weight of the heat and the dust, and in Arizona, they sleep for two days.

On the third night, Dean leaves the room without a word and comes back bruised and beaten. He spits blood into the bathroom sink and Sam nearly breaks Dean's wrist grabbing at his brother's hand, almost has to break his ankle to get Dean to sit down long enough for Sam to examine the torn skin across his knuckles.

You stupid bastard, he says. You stupid, stupid bastard, and he says it over and over again like a mantra, and the last time, he's cut off by Dean's punch, sluggish and clumsy, but he doesn't move stop it. He hears the slap of it against his skin, a smack and not a crack, and they're trading blows, falling over the covers and onto the floor, scrambling like children.

It's not sparring and it's not struggling. It's nothing nearly as coordinated as a fight.

But it lasts forever. It lasts until they're both sweating and panting and there's that sour, metal, battery-acid taste in the backs of their throats. It's wonderful.

They hit and bruise and bite off curses back and forth, but when he splits Sam's lip, Dean freezes, one hand spread across his chest, holding him down. He says his brother's name like it's profane, like it's a prayer, and he leans down, kisses Sam like he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember it ever like this.

Sam tastes like the dentist's, like metal and toothpaste and blood. He moans and tries to throw Dean off, leans his head as far back as he can to say, No. No, Dean, stop.

Dean relaxes the hand holding his brother to the floor. He sits and lets Sam sit up, too, and he whispers: he says, Yes. Make it yes. I want—I need—

He almost asked for this at Bobby's once, right after. He moved to Sam's bed in the middle of the night and let his hand rest on the waistband of Sam's boxers, hooked his thumb under the elastic, but Sam curled away from his brother, into himself, and Dean couldn't do anything but hold on.

Please, Sammy. I need—

You don't.

But he slips two fingers in Dean's belt and tugs it off anyway. He says, You don't need this. You never did.

His hands are cold and his voice is colder and he says, You don't even want it. But he pushes Dean's underwear out of the way, wraps his fingers around his brother's cock and says, It never mattered. You never cared about any of that.

Fuck, Dean hisses: Fuck.

Kneeling on the floor of the room, bracing himself against his brother's shoulder, leaning his forehead against Sam's, he shakes and groans.

Sam just keeps talking, keeps whispering things like, You only ever did this because I wanted, remember? You didn't even—shit, you never did anything for yourself. Did you ever even care? Fucking self-sacrificing bastard.

Sam keeps talking and his hand keeps moving. The callous on his index finger drags across Dean's dick and his bitten down nails scrape over the underside and wetly over the head, and Dean hasn't even got the presence of mind to bite Sam's tongue for him and shut him up. Just shut him the fuck up.

Instead, he says, Please. Fuck, Sammy, I—

Sam tightens his hand and bites at Dean's shoulder, leaves the imprint of his teeth by Dean's throat. He growls, You don't need it. You don't need anything.

Dean's head falls forward onto Sam's shoulder, his forehead sweaty and his hair damp, like his breath hot on his brother's skin. Sam pulls his hand away and wipes it on Dean's thigh, across the denim, and jerks away at the same time he shoves Dean back.

He tightens his jaw and grinds his teeth and says, Fuck it. I don't need this just because dad's gone.

Seven point three seconds later, the door slams behind them and Dean sags against the carpet, his body as uncoordinated as the fighting and the sex. He puts out a hand to catch himself, then gives up halfway to the floor.

Ten point six seconds later, the draft crosses the room and tangos up and down his sweating spine, raises goosebumps on his skin.

Outside, the car starts, and it's like when dad was here, before California. Sam's leaving, and it's almost like they're brothers again.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] la-folle-allure.livejournal.com
first jabber and some such noise

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 07:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] la-folle-allure.livejournal.com
OKAY! Where to begin. Aside from me literally loving you, like, to the point of MARRIAGE loving you, this story is OWIE good. It's raw and broken and it cuts me all over, but I keep reading because I KNOW that you're either going to cut me all open or patch me up, and I love that you ALWAYS go for slaying me first. *TACKLES HUGGLES* Dean's pain was real and gritty and Sam was desperate and hurt and you emoted EVERYTHING better than anyone could have.

YOU ARE THE BEST MY LOVE!! FORVERS!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*TACKLE HUGGLES BACK*

YOU ARE TOO NICE TO ME.

*drags you to a dark corner and makes out*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 07:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] la-folle-allure.livejournal.com
YAY!!!! MAKEOUTS IN DARK CORNERS!!!! *squees and tries to not look as excited as she is*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*kisses you*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tekla.livejournal.com
That was... really hot. *g* Loved the style and how you explained what was going on. Very well done, please more! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 09:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coiledsoul.livejournal.com
oh their pain is palpable here. very well done.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flannelmistress.livejournal.com
Just... wow.

That's it. I'm all out of words.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:37 pm (UTC)
ext_16473: (Default)
From: [identity profile] ellel.livejournal.com
Sam's leaving,and it's almost like they're brothers again.
Hear my heart breaks.Ohhhh,that hurts...Ans is just..wow.
*is stunned*
:)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemerall.livejournal.com
I... Holy shit. This is so real and biting, and it cuts so fucking DEEP. I can see this, and all the points you make... There's too much of it that feels real and it just breaks me.

Dean is so, so stupid and blind sometimes. He's so fucking selfish, sometimes, and I just want to hit him and say wake the fuck up, he's right there and he's not going anywhere.

This really, really breaks me because I can honestly see it this way, and feel these interconnected pieces that are falling apart between them.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 11:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
God, he really, really is. But in my world, it's not so much that he's stupid about things as he just believes he's unworthy of being loved or cared for at all. Like, he truly does believe that Sam hates him and that he will eventually be left all alone. Poor Dean has the mother of all abandonment issues, and it's fucked him up A LOT.

(On another, more sadistic hand, that does make him a lot more fun to read and write.)

And thank you so, so much! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ephemerall.livejournal.com
Poor Dean has the mother of all abandonment issues, and it's fucked him up A LOT.
Definitely have to agree with you there. And here's to hoping you keep that up because (On another, more sadistic hand, that does make him a lot more fun to read and write.) - Yeah, that's right.

You're so freaking welcome, too :)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 11:39 pm (UTC)
mf_luder_xf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mf_luder_xf
Amazing. Amazing. Seriously, my words are taken away. I love the anger and Sam's words. OMG do I love Sam's words. What a look at these two boys post Dad. Such love I have for this...♥

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-07 11:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 12:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missyjack.livejournal.com
I'm quite stunned at the emotions you evoked in me with this stoy. its so painful, and moving. But mostly I'm stuck by how it conveys the dance they are doing of what they each need/want in their grief, what they think the other wants, and how hard it is for them to work this out.

A masterful piece of writing.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 12:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nixwilliams.livejournal.com
oh god. suckerpunched.

Sam's leaving, and it's almost like they're brothers again.

i think you killed my poor little heart. in a good, very painful way. *reads again* *memories*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
*revives your heart*

Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellipsisblack.livejournal.com
Yow. Owowowowowow.

I just loved this in so many ways. Um. *leaves window open for ten minutes, comes back when she's coherent* Okay, still not coherent, BUT what I really loved wasn't the smut (which, don't get me wrong was HOT and DIRTY and SAD and HOT), but the brothers thing. The bittersweet bitterness of Sam needing and Dean giving, or Dean needing and Sam giving, and it's almost like they're brothers again.

In summary: owowowowowowowow.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 03:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Man, I need to start giving out free Morphine shots or something with each fic...

Thank you so much!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] girlguidejones.livejournal.com
I love this story. It hurts, and I love it.

I especially love the line where Dean thinks Sam tastes "like the dentist's"...with blood and toothpaste, and the metallic taste of the blood. It's such a piercingly accurate simile, and absolutely lovely.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 04:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you. :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 04:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/__rini/
I think you broke me, but I love it anyway. Or, possibly, because you broke me.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
I swear, this fandom makes us all masochists.

Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 05:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] swivel-chair.livejournal.com
Whoa! So vivid and hurty and I love how there's no direct dialogue; it adds to the detached feeling yet you write them so intimately.

I don't know if that made sense, but in summary: OMG SO GOOD!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 07:48 am (UTC)
ext_48227: (Default)
From: [identity profile] lunarwolfik.livejournal.com
oh.

That was heartbreaking with a side of hot and a dash of angst. *loves* The whole relationship of Sam and Dean and how everything's been turned upside down since John's death but is still the same, and how Sam understands Dean and how Dean is just beyond...everything at this point *LOVES* And, that last line just kills me.

*memories like a mad memory-ing thing*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 02:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you! :O)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 11:28 am (UTC)
ext_15405: (Default)
From: [identity profile] black-samvara.livejournal.com
Wah. Your last line just hit me and well, incoherent.

[waves hands]

Hurties.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-10-08 02:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wheebubbles.livejournal.com
Thank you! :O)