Firstly, it's a huge compliment that this 'verse made a deep enough impression that you stopped to think about it. :O) Thanks so much!
As far as Sam's behavior, I did think about how to write his reaction for a good long while. Essentially, I decided this:
If his possession had been shorter, a few weeks at most, I imagine he'd react much in the way you describe – with guilt and shame, even if he did remember fully. I don't see his missing memories as a handicap to feel badly about what "he" has done. Sam has seen enough in fourteen months to know that Dean was eventually gone enough that he accepted it, wanted it, and the thought may have initially evoked pity.
But think about Sam's position here. He's trapped in his own body, unable to move or speak or do anything but exist in certain, unclear times (this isn't based at all on what we know about possession by THE demon in the show; whatever possesses Sam, it has no relation to the thing that killed Mary and Jessica at all). He's stuck and waiting for over a year, and yes, of course he feels sorry for Dean at the beginning. But after about six months, the demon starts to leave Dean with his hands free when he's lucid and alone (and, sometimes, with possessed!Sam there). He gives Dean the autonomy to find a way out if he really wants it. The key here is that Dean doesn't do anything to get Sam back. And Sam knows that. He sees that, even through all of the gaps.
Is Dean too mentally abused and messed up to think far enough to try? Yes. Everything's become so twisted, he doesn't really know to separate his brother from the demon anymore, or even how. He doesn't really remember much more than the fact that he's "Sam's" brother, that he's Dean. He doesn't really remember what they were or what they did before all of this started.
Of course Sam's treatment of Dean once he's been freed from the demon isn't entirely fair. But he's got plenty of reasons to be angry. There is some more insight on his feelings coming, and part of his anger stems from the fact that he has been trying to fight the possession, but as far as he's seen, Dean gave up on him.
As far as Dean and his thoughts and reactions, you're partly right here:
and Dean not being able to tell the deference, like, at all, not being able to understand this wasn't the same person who'd tortured him
A year of abuse like this can do a lot the human psyche, and Dean was pretty broken already. He doesn't really make that distinction between Sam and possessed!Sam any more. He knows there's a difference, but as you can see right before Sam leaves at the end, if he's unfocused, he can slip right back into confusing who's who, or even if there's any difference at all.
(Jesus god, what does it say about what I do to these characters that I have to write an essay to basically explain what's wrong with them? *shakes head*)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-10-22 03:16 am (UTC)As far as Sam's behavior, I did think about how to write his reaction for a good long while. Essentially, I decided this:
If his possession had been shorter, a few weeks at most, I imagine he'd react much in the way you describe – with guilt and shame, even if he did remember fully. I don't see his missing memories as a handicap to feel badly about what "he" has done. Sam has seen enough in fourteen months to know that Dean was eventually gone enough that he accepted it, wanted it, and the thought may have initially evoked pity.
But think about Sam's position here. He's trapped in his own body, unable to move or speak or do anything but exist in certain, unclear times (this isn't based at all on what we know about possession by THE demon in the show; whatever possesses Sam, it has no relation to the thing that killed Mary and Jessica at all). He's stuck and waiting for over a year, and yes, of course he feels sorry for Dean at the beginning. But after about six months, the demon starts to leave Dean with his hands free when he's lucid and alone (and, sometimes, with possessed!Sam there). He gives Dean the autonomy to find a way out if he really wants it. The key here is that Dean doesn't do anything to get Sam back. And Sam knows that. He sees that, even through all of the gaps.
Is Dean too mentally abused and messed up to think far enough to try? Yes. Everything's become so twisted, he doesn't really know to separate his brother from the demon anymore, or even how. He doesn't really remember much more than the fact that he's "Sam's" brother, that he's Dean. He doesn't really remember what they were or what they did before all of this started.
Of course Sam's treatment of Dean once he's been freed from the demon isn't entirely fair. But he's got plenty of reasons to be angry. There is some more insight on his feelings coming, and part of his anger stems from the fact that he has been trying to fight the possession, but as far as he's seen, Dean gave up on him.
As far as Dean and his thoughts and reactions, you're partly right here:
and Dean not being able to tell the deference, like, at all, not being able to understand this wasn't the same person who'd tortured him
A year of abuse like this can do a lot the human psyche, and Dean was pretty broken already. He doesn't really make that distinction between Sam and possessed!Sam any more. He knows there's a difference, but as you can see right before Sam leaves at the end, if he's unfocused, he can slip right back into confusing who's who, or even if there's any difference at all.
(Jesus god, what does it say about what I do to these characters that I have to write an essay to basically explain what's wrong with them? *shakes head*)